A message for RichardCollier - Talk About Marriage

Richard, I see they have locked your thread, not sure why and think it is quite unfair and unwarrented. I tried to send you a PM but it wouldn't go through - so will try this way.

I did want to reply to your reply to me. But first want to let you know that I do understand how hard your situation is for you. Marriage is hard and too often we slip into our little worlds and do not put in the work it takes to keep our relationships alive and thriving. I truly understand how easy it is to slip and fall into affairs. I also understand that strong feelings can develop from these affairs. Are they long lasting feelings - ones that can withstand the test of real life and time? Well that is debatable and only the test of time would tell.

You replied to me "All I can say is... to those people who have NEVER experienced a love sooooo compelling... so addicting... so intense & passionate... you are also SO INCREDIBLY LUCKY to miss out on that experience if you cannot have it in a real relationship.

To the people who actually HAVE this relationship with your spouses... you are also SO INCREDIBLY LUCKY to HAVE that! Don't you ever for once mistreat or take someone like that for granted.

Many times I wish I have never experienced the love I had with this OW. In this case I too could live semi-happy and blissfully ignorant. "

While I agree that people who start their relationships with this kind of chemistry are lucky indeed - I don't believe luck has anything to do with those who HAVE this with their spouses. Instead, I believe they have it with their spouses becauses they are committed and dedicated to doing everything possible to develop this kind of relationship and keep it thriving throughout the good and the bad that goes along with life. Some are blessed with it from the beginning but have to work to keep it alive, others have to learn to develop it and then also have to work hard to keep it thriving.

What I am trying to say to you is that while you fear that in giving up the AP and your relationship with her, you will loose this once in a lifetime chemistry relationship - I don't believe this to be true. I am 100% confident that you can build the same, if not better kind of relationship with your wife IF both of you are willing to put in the work necessarry to do so. I believe that someday it is probable that you will look back on the feelings you had with the AP and they will pale in comparrison with what you have built with your wife and your family - if that is where you choose to put your efforts toward.

I am sorry that you are in the situation you are in. I know you are struggling immensly with the decisions you are faced with and that the consequences that will affect others weigh heavily on you. I know you are a good person who has made some mistakes - as we all do and now want to do the right thing. While I believe honesty is the best policy, I also understand your rationale for not wanting to tell your spouse about the afffair if you decide to continue the marriage. That is your decision that you will have to make. I cant argue with the benefits of not telling her, and I can't really give you any for telling her, other than that I believe marriages should be based on total honesty. But that is my belief.

I pray you will have a clear mind and will be able to make the best decision possible for everyone. Take care!

Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/53566-message-richardcollier.html

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